| space |
[Sep. 11th, 2006|07:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
i am trying so hard to not talk to her. i want to, but she wants to be alone |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2006|11:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
i dont know what to do, im loosing the best thing Ive ever had. I want to stop fighting, but everytime she talks to him it kills me. How can she want to be his friend? Everytime I think of the talking or seeing eachother it brings me bck to when i had to watch thm be together. Why doe she have this power over me? Everytime we fight we get closer and closer to breaking up. I dont know wether this means were not suposta be together, because we fight, or we are, because we stay together?
yesterday was the best day we've had together in a long time. its been while since ive made her laugh that much. For once it was like it was back when we we're friends. i loved it. But once again I had to ruin it by sarting a fight. Whats my problem? I kno i have to trust her, but it is so hard. i cant stand it when she goes to parties, or hangs out with a bunch of guys in her room. I dont think its unreasonable when i get jeaous over her befriends all her ex-boyfriends. But the thing that really set me off was when I heard she has been telling him she loves him. Just as a friend. that makes me so mad i dont even want to go into it. I honestly think it might have to be me or him, because 90% of our fights are about him, or relate to him.
Sometimes I think she would be better off without me, but i hope that dosent happen, I Love Her. |
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| YAY! |
[Jul. 27th, 2006|09:28 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | armor for sleep | ] |
she comes home today!!!! I couldt be happier, at all. Has it really been a month, it seems like a year. its nine thirty right now, so ill be with her in 11 hours, these are gonna be the longest 11 hours of my life. I cant wait to see her! |
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| Steph |
[Jul. 22nd, 2006|11:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | chiodos | ] |
I think the only way i could be happier right now is if steph was home. We have been fighting, but that only makes me appreciate our relationship. Im just happy to be with her. 4 days and we will be together. |
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| i dont know |
[Jul. 19th, 2006|08:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | senses fail | ] |
Im empty. Thats the only word to describe how I feel. Why do we have to fight? Nothing good ever happens when we fight. Everytime we fight it destroys me. Everytime we fight it feels like she dosent love me anymore, like Im the worst boyfriend ever. Whenever shes mad she dosent tell me she loves me. That makes me feel like dying. Today I went to the mall with my friend Jenn to buy steph a present for our anaversery, an OC journal, and some other OC stuff. But Jenn went into Victorias Secret to get something. I went into pac sun because I didnt want to go into Victorias secret because I dont like going in there. But pac sun got boring, so I went to find jenn. She was still in victorias secret, up at the register buying something. We walked out, and bumped into some of Stephs friends. I didnt want them to go running to Steph to tell her i was in victorias secret with another girl. Even though it was just jenn, and i just walked in and walked out. I dont see how she can see other girls as a threat, no one could ever compair with her. She said that when I went out with tina it hurt her alot. I finally know how she felt, lately our fights have been bad. When ever we fight I feel sick. I dont want to do anything except lay in my bed and wait to make up with her. I miss her so much, so much. Do I really have to wait another week to see her? Have I really gone 20 days without seeing her? why does this hurt so much? when I tell her I love her, and all she says is "you too", or ditto, I want to die. She dosent realize how much that hurts. It makes me think she dosent love me when we fight, like her love is conditional, and she only loves me when shes happy. This is the worste feeling in the world. I want to spend the next 7 days in my bed. |
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| no more fights |
[Jul. 12th, 2006|05:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | hawthone heights | ] |
so im in love with this girl. i truely believe that i am in love with her. we have been fighting alot, and shes tired of it. I always start them, and they are always stupid. I start fights because im stubborn and i need to always get my way. I need to learn how to compromise. A small part of me thinks i start fights just to see how much she means to me. to make sure she loves me enough not to end it. to see how much it hurts if we stop talking.its really fucked up. i hope thats not why i start fights. also i use to bring up her past relationships. especailly with him. i use to ask if she liked him as much as she liked me. the real question i wanted to ask was if she stil had feelings for her. i love her so much and i just wanted to she felt as strong as i do. I love her so much, i just hope that she loves me even a fraction as much as i love her. i think she does. i dont know what i would do if we wernt together. i wouldnt want to wake up.
tonight i almost lost her. these stupid fights we have, what is wrong with me im gambling wih the most important thing in my life right now. as creepy as it sounds i want to be with her until i die. i could seriously see myself with her in a few years. i promised her no more fights, and im gonna keep it. she means the world to me.
im not afraid to admit she makes me cry. wen i thought i lost her i cried. she is the only girl i have ever cried over. but i think thats good. for something to hurt this much its gotta mean alot to you. she has my heart in her hand, and im scared it will break if she were to drop it |
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